Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
