She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
