not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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