He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
