lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
