I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
