The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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