two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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