My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
