Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
