I think i sorta joined a cult last night
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
