you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Randomize
