My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
