I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
