i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
