if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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