you win again, gameday.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
