so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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