I CAN MOONWALK!
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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