He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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