and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
