I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I deserve this hangover.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
