id be glad to
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
