I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
