I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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