I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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