my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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