Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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