my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
