Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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