i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
