whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
