I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
