I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
BRING THE BAGELS
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
