Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
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He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Boobs speak an international language.
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An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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