wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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