JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
