Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
