Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
