im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just want to make out with him forever
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
