I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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