Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
