i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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