We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Dicks are not precious.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
