ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
