I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
