I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
