@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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