Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
