Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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