so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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