I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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