I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
