I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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