Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
FUCK WHALES
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
