he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
