I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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