i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
