Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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