Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
