bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
