I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
