One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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