i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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