Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We left the knife in your bed.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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