I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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