the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
