this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
This toilet bowl is my home.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
