I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize