Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Randomize
