I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
